Tantric Kink

2009-10-07T15:17:00.005-04:00

via: http://pandorablake.blogspot.com/

Recently I was asked for some tips on giving spankings by a vanilla friend interested in beginning the adventure of adding kink into the bedroom. I am not a spanking expert by any means, but i do have an avid interest in the practice, so I threw together a list of some things to keep in mind for a beginner and at least prevent as many awkward moments as possible from happening. This is for doms, that is people wanting to do the actual spanking. I'll have advise for spankees in a later post. Here goes . . .

Negotiation. Possibly the most important part of any couple's sex life, negotiation becomes even more integral in BDSM. Discuss with your partner(s) what you want out of the experience and listen to what they want. The goal is for everyone to be happy. Ttalking about what makes each of you happy does a lot for achieving that goal. Jay Wiseman has some very good advise to help make the negotiation process as smooth and pleasurable as possible.
It is important, at least for me, that the dom in a situation take control of that situation. If you want to spank, start with commands, direct the sub in what he or she should do. Take control of the situation. From the very start, the first word of a scene spoken, the dom should be in control of the situation. For me, that means verbal control. For others there may be body language that gives those same signals. Discover what your partner considers to fit the bill here and you have it made.
Position and posture should also be considered. Will the spanking be administered while standing? On a bed? On hands and knees, leaning against something, freestanding, over a knee, all of these are things that greatly effect the experience for both partners. The dom should choose the posture, but negotiation is the place to talk about what both partners enjoy, or don't enjoy. Notice a pattern forming? Once you start trying to figure out poses in which to administer pain, the possibilities become truly endless. Use your imagination. My personal favorite involves a sort of missionary position and lots of rope . . .
Spanking implements are diverse and each feels differently, both to the wielder and the sub. Experimentation is the only way to discover what works best for all involved. I prefer hands and paddles. My partner prefers floggers. Trial and error, with plenty of candid discussion about the sensations and efficiency of the different things you choose to use is a must here.
Once the scene has begun, I find that I prefer to start with a warm-up. For me the best warm up is mild application of a hand, then moving on to more intense sensations. I have found that starting lite and building the experience is by far more pleasurable to instant full contact intensity. Others may have different tastes, but that's what works for me. I just love building the moment, then the shock of the sudden cessation of pain. Gets me every time.
Aftercare is a debatable topic when it comes to the BDSM community at large, but I'm a big fan. Specifically with spanking, a little TLC completes the experience in a way that makes me feel the bond I have with both the person I spank and the person that spanks me. Discuss what would work best with your partner before you get there and its far less likely that either one of you will end up feeling awkward about the whole thing.

Ropes

2009-10-05T15:39:00.000-04:00

via: www.altbdsmpersonals.com/hogtied/

Well, lately my domestic life partner and I have been exploring bondage, specifically the rope kind, neither one of us being big fans of metal in our sex diet. I have been following the work of riggers such as the Two Naughty Boyz, Lqqkout, and just perusing the scene for years. And, as some may know, I have been crazy when it comes to all things rope related for at least twenty years. So, how has our little adventure into this realm of kink been going for us? In a word, great. She seems to have really gotten into it and even brings it up without me having to do any coaxing whatsoever. Just last night she told me that she was dealing with her claustrophobia and that there several times during the work I did last night that she had to really concentrate on the restraint, the loss of free movement, and focus on accepting the things that she can't control. For her sensation is much more intense, being at my mercy so to speak and she really is very good at sexual submission. Soon I'll be working on a fiction piece involving bondage, so be patient and you shall receive. In other areas I have had to focus a lot of attention on a lot of things, so not everything has been going as well as I would have liked, but what can you do?

Tone

2009-10-03T18:45:00.000-04:00

In trying to capture dialogue in my writing (which I find to be a crucial part of believable writing) it is difficult to make editing notes on what specifically sets the tone of a statement. On a personal note, in conversation with my S.O. I have had the same problem in finding the most appropriate or even an adequate way of describing what about a specific statement changes the meaning from the literal word content into a statement weighted with layers of meaning and interpretation. I realize that this is just vague rambling without specific examples and I will try to come up with a few in my next post.

Kirinawa

2009-10-03T17:44:00.000-04:00

Greydancer via Lochai : Kirinawa.com
I really love her work. Lochai, her photographing S.O. has some very good work out there to be found as well and they seem to even share a blog site, though as you may know, L is in charge of Hogtied.com which has turned into quite the pay site for bondage and torture themed porn. there is one thing that has really piqued my attention about these shared site though. In the portfolio section on Kirinawa.com there is a rigger under the name Lqqkout. Anyone ever heard of him? More specifically the modeling of K is at its finest. I really like the effect that these two had on me as I viewed the entire portfoio. If anyone has any leads on more things in this vein, by all means drop me a line.

Its Been Really Hectic

2009-10-03T16:45:00.000-04:00

And so I haven't had the time to devote to my blogging that I would like. However, while I have been going crazy over the lack of sex and time in my life there are many that have had plenty of time to devote to what we love the most. Bad Bad Girl has been busy as usual, the deviants at Eros Blog, have a very interesting selection from this past week and finally I would recommend checking out the latest news at Fleshbot. More later. . .